Been Replaced

I wonder how our dog Rusty is feeling about the new baby. . .

Sweet Baby Jacob

NICU follow up--2 week appointment

Today we went to our pediatrician for Jacob's NICU follow up visit. He's doing great! He weighed in at 9 pounds 8 ounces, which is 4 ounces more than he weighed on Thursday night. I've been feeding him as much as he'll take whenever he wakes up hungry. Apparently, it's more than enough! The doctor said to consider this his 2 week checkup, since we're only two days away from that. He said Jacob is healthy and "normal" now, and we can expect no long term effects from the pneumothorax (hole in the lung). Hurray! We can take him off the crazy-expensive neonatal formula, and put him on something generic (Costco!). That will be a benefit for our budget. Sam and I managed to get almost the whole house clean, and I got 4 loads of laundry totally completed. I have two more to fold, and possibly one more load to do tomorrow. I'm starting to be able to return phone calls and receive visitors. Life is starting to get back to normal. Okay, not normal, but manageable. I can't tell you how much we have appreciated all the love and support we have received. It feels like other people are as excited as we are to receive this addition to our family. It's been an amazing experience. Emily

Family Photos at Home

Here he is--the cute baby! My friend Lisa lent me this cool bassinette. This is me trying my new moby wrap. Sam thought I looked like a Jedi, so he added the light saber. Here is Sam's mom, Irene, holding Jacob. Adam feeding Jacob. Here are all my guys! Adam loves to hold his brother! Irene, Jacob, and I

Last Days at the Hospital

I know I posted updates, but the world was a whirlwind and my brain only worked part-way during the last few days Jacob was at the hospital. As I reviewed my posts I saw a few gaps! Adam's self portrait Jacob was born Wednesday September 9 (9/9/09!) and weighed 9 pounds 5 ounces. He stayed in the hospital for 9 days. I think his lucky number is 9! On Sunday the 13th we received temporary legal guardianship, and were able to see him for the first time. I spent the night at the hospital on Sunday and Monday nights. The hospital policy is 2 nights only, so on Tuesday at noon I headed home. We had another visit with the social worker that I had to be there for. I called several times to check on Jacob, and since he was eating really well I decided to get one good night of sleep. On Wednesday morning I called again, and he hadn't eaten well so I felt I needed to be there. Sam was sick this whole time, so he couldn't even go into the NICU. We got a hotel in Salt Lake, and it was the best decision we could have made! There was a pool, continental breakfast (one less meal to buy!) and it was just 10-15 minutes from the hospital. So I headed to the hospital on Wednesday afternoon, and Sam and Adam joined me that evening. We swam in the pool and Sam took Adam to get Chinese food while I went to feed the baby. Sam reported that after getting drinks at the gas station and food at the restaurant, Adam proclaimed it "The best day ever!" The hotel turned our hospital stay into a vacation! Thursday morning Sam's cousin Jodi and her two kids came to the hotel and we all went swimming. That evening Sam and Adam visited the NICU in the "family bonding room" and Adam was able to hold Jacob for the first time. We went to The Pizza Factory for dinner, where we gorged on bread twists, pasta, and salad. It is located inside a Fat Cat's bowling alley/game center. So we bowled one round and then the boys played arcade games. This is Adam "using the force" to get a spare. It didn't work this time, but trust me, the force is real! I got a call about 8pm that Jacob was ready to eat and they would be weighing him. Since gaining weight was one of the requirements of coming home on Friday, I was soon sick to my stomach. He had gained weight (hurray!) and I left the nurse with strict instructions to call me any time during the night if Jacob was not eating well. Friday morning I woke up at 5, then 7, then 7:30. I finally decided to get up and get ready, since I expected Jacob would be eating around 8am. Even thought the nurse never called, I decided to head to the hospital anyway. When I got there the discharge was 90% done--the doctor had evaluated him, and he was nearly ready to go. I called Sam to tell him to hurry. In all our rush I hadn't brought any clothes for Jacob! So Sam and Adam picked out an outfit, and brought it to the hospital. After bathing, feeding, and dressing him, Jacob was ready to come home! Here he is in his carseat just before we walked out the door.

Visit from Steph and John

Right smack in the middle of our adoption of Jacob, my best friend from high school came for a visit. I don't think we've seen each other in 10 years or so, but having them here was just like old times. Stephanie lives in Nebraska now, and she and John flew to New York City and picked up Bryanna just before coming to Utah to work at the Scrapbook Expo in Salt Lake. They are doing a kinship foster adoption with Bryanna, who is Stephanie's niece. She is about the cutest thing I've ever seen! I watched Bryanna for them while they worked on Friday and Saturday. So she was with us while the social worker came to do our home study, she came to the attorney's office when we drew up all the paperwork, and we dropped her off at the expo while we visited with Savannah and Isaac on Friday night. She came with us to Adam's soccer game on Saturday as well. Steph and John flew out at about 4pm on Sunday, a few hours before we saw Jacob for the first time. We were bummed they couldn't see him, but were so glad they were here for this crazy whirlwind adoption. They came to the hospital to say goodbye before they left--here's a photo of us together: Crazy enough--Bryanna was in the hospital with a super high fever not long after they got home. She was released the same day Jacob came home. When I talked to her last week Steph said something to the effect of "Now it's cool that we're both adopting at the same time, but this is taking things a bit too far!" My only regret after their visit is that they don't live a lot closer to us! Every 10 years is WAY too long!

First Day of School

Even though Adam turned 5 before the deadline, we decided to do one more year of preschool. My thinking at the time was that he's a lot better off being the oldest than the youngest in his class. Now that Jacob has arrived, I am SO GLAD I made this choice. I've enrolled him in a district run preschool. It's 4 days a week (T-F) from 9:15 am to 12:00 pm. It's at a nearby elementary school, so they meet in a regular classroom, listen to school announcements, do the pledge, and play on the kindergarten playground. The differences: he's one of the oldest children, the curriculum is not challenging, and I can keep him home when I want to! Here he is on his first day:

And of course, it wouldn't be quite right to have a "first day" picture without Avery!

Avery was so sad all last year as we dropped off Adam at preschool and she had to go home with me. So you can imagine her excitement to go to her very own preschool this year! I've gotten in with a group of moms in the neighborhood--the mom who organized it used to teach preschool, and she is fantastic! Here is Avery on her very first day:

And with Adam. I like this picture because you can see Avery's dimple.

Soccer

While our new baby brother IS big news, it comes in the middle of Adam's first soccer season. He was SO EXCITED about his uniform--here's a pic (sans socks). Here is some video from his first game. Adam is #5--this is a pretty good example of how things were at first. He would mostly hang back and run around. Since then he has figured it out, and he REALLY wants to score a goal.

We're Home

Just wanted to confirm that we came home today. I couldn't sleep (or eat) so I got ready early and headed to the hospital. I arrived about 8:30am, and Jacob was nearly ready to go. We waited for him to wake up and have another feeding, but we were out the door by about 10:30am. As soon as we got home I felt like I hit a wall--I am beyond exhausted. I got a short nap, but I'm pretty aware that I'm going into a time of very little sleep. With all the stress I have had a hard time eating, and have lost 10 pounds! The funny thing is that I've gained an extra 10 pounds over the last 9-12 months. Now I know why! I had the reserve to burn. :) I'll post more tomorrow! Emily

Goodbye St.Mark's NICU!

We're going home tomorrow!!! Before we do, I thought I'd give you a tour of the NICU. Here is the entrance--on the wall is an intercom where I say "This is Emily Peery, and I'm here to see the XXX baby." (I left out the birthmom's last name for her privacy). Then these doors swing wide open.

This is the hand washing station where you use your leg to turn on the water, scrub with soap, then rinse and dry.

This is the monitor that shows the baby's vital signs. The top line is his heart rate, then his breathing, and finally his oxygen saturation. I spent many hours looking at this screen. At first, his oxygen levels were not great--89, 90, 91. I remember looking around at the other baby monitors and envying their high numbers. Now, his levels are at 99 and 100 regularly.

This is the pump that used to feed Jacob through his NG tube. They put any formula he hadn't eaten into a syringe, connected it to the NG tube, and put the syringe in this machine. It slowly pushed the formula into his tummy.

This is what Jacob usually looked like. Unless they are eating or having "cares" done (temperature, diaper change, weight, blood pressure, etc.) all the babies are sleeping and covered. They do this to help reduce stimulation, which is particularly important for premature babies, or those recovering from trauma. But it's funny to walk in, look around, and think "Where are the babies?"

And here he is! All bundled up and covered in burp cloths. I have to say my favorite thing is unbundling him and seeing his hands and feet. And then burping him on my shoulder and cuddling his little face next to mine.

I can't tell you HOW EXCITED we are to take him home! I appreciate all the CNA's, doctors, and nurses who have taken such good care of him. They have been wonderful.

Emily

Baby Update Wednesday Night

I was so encouraged by the nurse's report that I slept all night. So I was so disappointed and upset this morning when I found he had two feedings that didn't go so well. The good news is, they took his NG tube out, and he would have to really move backwards to put it back in. He may be treading water a little, but the NG tube is gone for good. So here is a cute picture of him sans-tube. I think he has Savannah's nose (his birthmom). After one of his feedings he puked all over. He probably had a big burp that got caught under a big swallow of formula. Anyway, we had to change his bedding, clothing, everything. I took the chance to take naked pictures. You can see his leads--they measure his heart rate and his breathing. On his foot is a blood oxygen monitor. You can see that he is really suffering from lack of food and wasting away. Just look at that double chin! The good news is--the doctor thinks he can come home on Friday. So long as he keeps eating and/or keeps gaining weight. I was frustrated that it won't be tomorrow, but I adjusted. We got a hotel room and Adam and Sam came up to be with me. We swam in the pool and we will hopefully play with cousins tomorrow; plus, I can keep feeding Jacob. It's about 10-15 minutes from the hospital, but I'm so happy to be together and be so close. Jacob is doing his carseat challenge as I write this. I think I'll go back at 11:30pm to see how he did and find out his weight and feed him again before sleeping for the night. Thanks to all for your outpouring of love and support. We're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! Emily

Jacob's Coming Home?

Such good news from the nurse today. . . but let me start at the beginning. I went home today after Jacob's 11:30am feeding. I was so sad to leave him and I cried on my way to the car. After only two days (and nights) it was terrible to leave. I know the doctors and nurses are fantastic, but I'm his mom. And then I thought about how Savannah felt a few days ago. She spent the last 9 months with him, loving him, expecting him, dreaming about him. And how hard it must have been for her to walk through those same doors and go home--but for her with no hope of coming back later to get him. She's his mom too. I just have to say how grateful and privileged I am to receive my babies this way--from another woman, a sister, who is selfless enough to give her baby what she wishes she could give him, and to give me a chance to be a mother again. Some people wonder how we can do an open adoption and have the birth parents be a part of our lives--to welcome them into our family along with this new baby. But it's like tithing. The Lord gives us everything, and asks for 10% back. They have given me everything--they gave me Jacob. The least I can do is give them the chance to know him, to love him, to be part of his life. They make this huge sacrifice, and for me it's not even 10%. Because it is a joy and a blessing to have them in all of our lives. It's like I get 110%. Sorry, back to the details. Since 8am Jacob has been eating full feedings by himself. At 2pm he actually ate 80ML (10 more than required). He has gained an amazing 5 ounces--gone from 8.15 to 9.4--now I guess he hasn't pooped all day, so that number may be a bunch of . . . just kidding. It might be a bit bloated, or inflated. :) I talked to the nurse and she said it sure looks like he should be able to come home on Thursday. No promises, but if his progress continues there's no reason to keep him there. I need to take an infant CPR course (a 10 minute video) and Jacob needs to pass the "CARSEAT CHALLENGE." He has to sit in his car seat for 2 hours without tanking (keeping oxygen up, breathing good, etc.) We will likely do all this tomorrow night, and then Thursday might be D-day. Thank you again for all your comments, love, support, and prayers. I am so relieved that this is coming to an end--really that this is finally beginning for us. I can't wait for Adam to hold him, and for a new family picture. Emily

Update Tuesday Morning

I apologize--I know many are anxious for an update. It's been beyond busy, so I'm running late on this.

Here is a picture Adam took through a window of Jacob in the NICU. He was happy to at least be able to see his little brother. Jacob is doing well. The four main things he needs to accomplish (for 48 hours in a row) are:

• Maintain his body temperature--he does this just fine
• Gain weight--he has not been gaining, but last night he did! He's at 8 lbs 15 oz, up 2 ounces! Hurray! He was born at 9 lb 5 oz, for reference
• Eat a full feeding on his own (not via NG tube)--he is starting to do this. A "full feeding" is 70 ml, or 2.5 ounces. Now anyone who has a 9 pound baby knows that 2.5 ounces should be easy. This is the amount he needs to maintain his weight, and it's all we can do to get this in him.
• Maintain good oxygen levels. You know that red thing they put on your finger to measure blood oxygen levels? He has one strapped to his foot all the time. You and I walk around with levels of 97 to 100. Jacob was hanging out at 89, 90, 91. Less than 89 sets off an alarm. The nurses have been concerned and considering putting him back on oxygen. Last night's nurse sucked out his nose (drop in saline until he is screaming and gurgling, use a vaccuum pump to suck it 0ut). You can imagine how much he loved that. Screamed his little head off. But then he was at 99 and 100--the first time I've seen that. So the boogers were keeping him from breathing so well. He's still hanging out in the low range, but not setting off the alarms all the time.

I've been keeping track of how much he eats on his own. Here's the list for my first several feedings: 20, 35, 50, 30, 35, 45

And for the last several: 65, 65, 65, 45, 68, 55 So he's doing better.

The hospital let us have a room, so I stayed the night (getting up often to feed Jacob) from Sunday to Monday. I've tried to keep quiet in hopes they won't kick me out. Sam and Adam joined me yesterday at about 2:30--here's a picture of us all cuddled up on the hospital bed.

One of the hardest parts of all this is how it affects Adam. Yesterday he pitched a huge fit when Sam tried to take him home from the hospital, so they stayed a little longer and Adam and I cuddled and watched Peter Pan together. He got to control the bed (up, down, up, down), and seemed much better after that. Last night he climbed into bed (with Sam) and said "I'm homesick. I'm homesick for mom."

He's a funny guy, because when I'm home all the time, he sort of acts like I'm chopped liver. He's such a daddy's boy and always wants Sam. But I've always suspected that his daddy-love is built on a foundation of mommy-security. I'm always there so he can take me for granted. But when I'm gone, no amount of daddy time and attention makes his world feel solid. I can't wait to get Jacob home so I can be with BOTH my boys together.

Goodbye and Hello

It's been another long day for the Peery family! We got to the hospital today at about 11:00 am. We sat around and visited with Isaac and Savannah until about 2pm when the social worker came. They had been waiting all morning, and we joined them to wait out the afternoon. Unfortunately, the person who came is not the regular social worker, and was not familiar with the process. Savannah signed a document that allowed the hospital to discharge the baby to our attorney. We were finally able to contact our attorney at 3pm, and he confirmed that we could do the relinquishment on Monday in Salina. Our social worker will be appointed by the court to do it. That is when her rights are officially terminated and we become the legal parents. In the meantime, we were very concerned that we have the ability to make medical decisions. So our attorney sent us a document to give us temporary legal guardianship of Jacob. Sam had to hustle to get a notary to the hospital to have Savannah sign before she left. We got it "signed, sealed, delivered," so now we can make medical decisions on his behalf. Jacob is in the NICU and though we can go look at him, we can only hold him at feeding times, which are 8, 11, 2, 5 am and pm. Isaac fed and held him for the 2pm feeding, then Savannah and her mother did the 5pm. Isaac left about 5pm and Savannah and her mother left at 7pm. We said tearful goodbyes to all--hugged and cried and cried some more. I can't express the deep compassion I feel for them--and the immense gratitude for the opportunity they give us to raise their baby. It is overwhelming. We were finally able to see him for the first time at the 8pm feeding. Here's what you've all been waiting for! I know it's not a great shot, but he was all bundled up and sleeping. He really has the cutest pouty lips. He has a little bit of very blonde hair, and he's round as can be!

Thanks to all for your love and support. We'll keep you posted!

Emily

Finally, the news we've all been waiting for!

So yesterday we met with the attorney and completed the petition for adoption. This is the paperwork on our side that is necessary to adopt. We picked up Adam and went straight to the hospital to visit with Isaac and Savanna. We had a nice visit--pretty much covered the same topics as we did before--sports, outdoor activities, and openness. Our feeling was "Same song, second verse." and we didn't leave feeling any more confident. This morning we received a text asking if Savanna's mom and Isaac could come to our house. Isaac wanted another chance to see us and to check out where we lived (and where his baby might live). It was a very positive visit and we felt really good after that. Isaac left, and a few hours later we received the call that they had made their decision. We will go to the hospital tomorrow morning and get to see Jacob Keaton Peery for the first time! They will release Savanna tomorrow, and she intends to go straight home. We are a little nervous because she will not be here on Monday to sign the relinquishment. We're not sure what kind of bumps in the road this will create, but we are hoping for the best. Mostly, we are anxious to get baby Jacob out of the hospital! All your prayers can be directed his way. They have said as early as Monday, or up to 10 more days. It's too long! We hope to bring him home ASAP. His lungs are fine, but his appetite has been weak. They have put a tube through his nose into his stomach to "jump start" his system. We pray that this works, and that he is free from any infection or othe problems. Thank you so much to all who have extended their faith and prayers. We have seen miracle after miracle happen as this impossible situation has worked out for us. Emily

Baby Update Friday Afternoon

What a morning! So, we switched attorneys (long story) and we're moving forward with hopes that all the legal stuff can be completed by Monday, when the baby should be released from the hospital. We have a meeting with the attorney at 3pm to do the initial paperwork. This gives us the weekend to see if there is any possible way to get both Savanna and Isaac on the same page. Hopefully, that includes us. We are going to visit with Savanna and Isaac today at 5:30pm. Then they will have the weekend to decide. It's been a lot of emotions and drama around here, and I can tell it's wearing on us. In a way, I'm happy to keep up this slow and steady pace, because it allows us to pay attention to Adam and maintain some semblance of normalcy. Emily

Baby Update Friday Morning

Hello everyone! So the latest news--Savanna is supposed to check out of the hospital on Saturday, though she may ask to stay until Sunday. Baby Keaton will probably be in the hospital until Monday. She is very firm that we are the right family for Keaton, and Isaac is very against it. So we're hoping and praying for another miracle--that Isaac's heart will be softened. I know everyone's been praying and it feels like this is dragging on and on, but we need your prayers now more than ever. Every day we need to pray like it's the last day and everything will be fine tomorrow if we can just give it all we've got. But then we may need to get up and do it all over again tomorrow. We'll be speaking with the attorney this morning, and then the social worker does our first home study visit. We are hoping (and we will do all we can) to go visit Savanna and Isaac in the hospital this afternoon. I know everyone wants to know if there's anything they can do to help. I will admit, and it seems silly, that I have 2-3 gallons of peppers (that I grew) sitting in my fridge. I keep meaning to cut them up and freeze them, and I'm worried they will go bad before I get to it. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Amber--for the pizza and breadsticks (Adam ate nearly all the breadsticks himself!) Lisa--for the baby equipment Shelby--for taking Adam and for dinner (soooo yummy! Sam loved the tomatoes, and I even tried one!) Carol--for the baby supplies We feel your love and support. Thank you! Emily

Baby Update Thursday Evening

My strategy of not cancelling our plans has proven wise. After waiting all day hoping to go visit, I got an email that Savanna isn't feeling up to it. So, we'll wait another day--and likely one or two more! We have everything ready for our home study, and will meet with the social worker tomorrow at 10am. Thanks for hanging in there with us! Emily

Baby Update Thursday Afternoon

The whirlwind continues!!! Things are looking very positive--enough that I am washing baby clothes and bottles. I don't want to disclose the details because of the legal nature of some of the adoption issues. Don't worry--all will come out later, but I think it's wise to be quiet about this for the present. Please continue to exercise your faith on our behalf, and keep praying. There are just a few hurdles between us and this baby, but after what we've seen unfold I know they are nothing that cannot change quickly and miraculously. I am fairly sure that we will soon have this baby in our family--even admitting it brings me to tears. I've been waiting so long--not just for A baby but for THIS baby. I am sorry, but we have turned off our phone. Please leave us messages if you need us to contact you. You can call our cell phones, but please only for EMERGENCIES. Thank you for your love and support! Emily

Baby update Thursday morning

I'll try to post 3 times a day, schedule and time permitting. Most will be "nothing new" because that's how it's been. Savanna delivered baby Keaton (this is the name they had for him) yesterday. He is 9 lb 5 oz and 21 1/2 inches long. They thought he might have a problem with his bowel, but xrays show that is fine. They did discover a hole in his right lung, which allows air to go where it should not be. They are hoping it will heal on its own. He's been in NICU, and she reports he is very strong. Both mom and baby have received a blessing, and are well. She wants us to come to the hospital again today, but we don't know what time. I have felt to not cancel my plans and keep moving forward until I need to adjust them. Though this can and may happen quickly, it feels more like a marathon than a sprint. We appreciate your faith and prayers on our behalf--please don't stop! I know I have come to the end of my resources, so we really need them!!! Love, Emily

Adoption Background Info

This situation came to our attention last Tuesday. On Wednesday the means of introducing us as a possibility arose, and we followed it. The birthmom called us on Friday to invite us to meet her and the birthfather on Saturday. We went. The birthmother is Savanna, she's 25, a single mother of a 2 year old daugher. She has blonde hair and blue eyes and is very petite. The birthfather is Isaac, he's 24, big and broad--probably at least 6' tall, with fair hair and blue eyes (they might be greenish, or grey--not as blue as hers but still blue). He is an avid outdoorsman--hunting, fishing, etc. The baby is a boy, and they call him Keaton. She had an ultrasound 3 weeks ago and they estimated he was already 8 pounds. Isaac was born at 10lbs 11 oz, so they scheduled a c-section on September 9 (9/9/09). I'm not sure of her actual due date. They thought he might have a condition with his bowels--a dilated bowel--or he might just be big. This could require surgery now, or later, or not at all. We had a great visit with them, and afterwards I felt an overwhelming peace and calm. No answer, no "this is yours," just a deep assurance that the Lord is in charge and would get this baby to the right family. One thing that is important to Savanna and Isaac is to have an open adoption, which we are very happy with. Sunday night Savanna called and I spoke with her about some "business"--home studies, insurance, etc. This felt very positive. One thing she wanted to do was visit the home of the family she chose, so after placement she could picture where her baby was. Tuesday night at 5:30 pm we received a call from Savanna--they had narrowed their choice down to two families. She preferred us, and Isaac preferred another family. They could not decide, so they left the decision until after the baby would be born. She wants us to come visit with them at the hospital so we can visit more and they can have more to base a decision on. Thank you to all who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers. We will keep you posted! Emily